So cold

Dear you,

I have decided to write about something that I have found very inconsistent with a certain belief I had held for a long while now. The belief being - The fairer sex is a lot more sensitive and sweet as compared to my own gender. Well, that's how I functioned for so long. If I ever needed emotional support I'd run to any of my agony aunts and get all the sorrow off my chest. And life got better.

Also it was generally assumed that guys try to make a wuss out of you if you showed up your insecurities or your sorrow in front of 'em. Those were the stereotypes and I trusted them too. Because in my own personal experience I have known women sweet as sugar. They talked, listened and nudged you to do the right thing. I had also known men to be a lot insensitive and get very uncomfortable when something emotional comes up. The stereotypes just seemed right.

But I've witnessed other things. Sometimes the emotional investments I made in girls just seemed to go into bottomless pits. Let me remind you I wasn't asking for these girls to get romantically involved with me or anything. I don't seek academic help in these quarters then. And it's certainly not financial support. It's plain appeal for some love and tenderness. All I'd ask for is some time and a patient mind. I've done it to people earlier. And honestly I know that if you really care for the person it ain't a tough thing to do. And what's more you like it when you do it. But surprise surprise! I seem to have come across wonderful counterexamples to the basic rule. It's girls whom I have known for sometime now, who've shared some amount of emotion, who at different points of time seemed to find me sweet. The same girls now seem to find little time for me. Or even if they do they appear reluctant to the idea of getting a little compassionate.

It's apalling at times.

See I have been trying hard not to complain. I hate to complain because often when you accuse someone of something they come up with the reason for their objectionable act and then you feel like you've done a great big mistake. I hate that. I don't wanna complain.I don't wanna complain on one girl. Or maybe two. But what do I do if it's a host of different girls. Honestly I love all of 'em. They have all been sweet to me at some point or the other and I'm personally having a tough time convincing myself they can be so cold.

At the same time, I must mention a word on my guy friends. They are invaluable. I mean, the whole stereotype of cold, macho and insenstive blokes is not totally wrong in that you have to wait for the guys to open up. They take time. They have been raised believing that they are strong and they shall never cry. But they do know they are emotional and once you gain their trust that you'll never take them for sissies and respect their capabilities, they tend to be more open about what they feel and they often understand how you feel too. I love you guys.

But then, is the sensitive and sweet female stereotype a farce? Are they all so cold?

Nope. I told you I've known unbelievably sweet women and I also have noticed the traits in other ones. But upon a fair bit of contemplation I have come up with a hypothesis. What's troubling me is perhaps the age.

Girls my age alike guys my age have their own share of insecurities, peer pressure, indecisiveness and lack of exposure. Helping someone out involves yourself being strong enough to help. It involves feeling secure about the whole act. Feeling secure with the person one is helping, feeling secure about the rightness of the act. Rightness in terms of time and emotion. Am I worth the expenditure? What if they got so sweet and nice and I ended up being a useless jerk?(Insecurity) Now that's a total waste of time and energy isn't it? (More insecurity) What'll people think? (Lack of exposure) And then, there are the girls who haven't put up with this shit and they are better off aren't they? (Peer pressure)

That I think is the problem. When the same girls get rid off their insecurities I guess they'll be much more compassionate. That's also a reason why I like older women. The assertiveness and self-assured nature I see in some of them is priceless. I bet these friends of mine will also turn into these assertive and loving women. See they wouldn't be friends if they never showed any love. They have been nice at some earlier point of time and some bullshit came up and then they went cold. That's what I tell myself. Because I still love these girls. I have invested so much emotion in them there's no going back. They probably just don't have enough time now. Or there are other things they have to look into. But then they'll come back some day and then things will be fine again. (You may think I'm kidding myself but life runs on hope. Else I'll make new friends).


I was hurt for a while. Not anymore now that I vented it all off here and made a fool of myself. But I always come to final principles when I sit and analyse. This time I just decided I don't invest if I am expecting returns. See, if I'm hurt it's cuz I let them.

It's because I didn't get what I expected. It's for them to give or deny. It's not mine to question why.

Love,
Prathyush.