The Agenda

Dear you,

I gotta write to you today. While I have a little time, I mean. The hostel nights are all done (Ganga in particular was great fun!) and it's going to be hectic from now on. So, as I have this little time, I'll write to you.

A few days back I realised I have completely used up a full scribbling pad for the first time in life and it felt funny. From the beginning of the last semester, I had always carried this pad in Poppy (my backpack .yeah, that's what I call it - Poppy) and I wrote so much on this pad. Plans, schedules, essays, lists, font of Russian and important words in French, poems, letters, hopes, and other vague stuff. It feels like I have a bit of me written down on it. Some torn and dumped in the bin or some mailed to my penfriend (who, I presume, keeps letters safe). When I went through the contents of my pad once more before I replace it with a similar new one, it gave me some kind of a nostalgic surge of which I'll probably not talk about now. But what I want to talk about here, in this letter, is the Agenda (yeah, with an A).

After jotting down my name neatly on the first page, the Agenda was the first thing I had written down on my pad. The very first page on the very day of my fifth semester. I had freshly come back from a vacation filled with home, Delhi and Hyderabad (read peace, exhilaration and more of it). As I might have mentioned in my earlier letter, Delhi changed things for me. I was not so much a different person but my perspectives changed and likewise, my interaction with you.

I wanted to make this change explicit. Capture it in writing and implement it so it doesn't go away. I wanted to have a document of my own rules and principles which I could follow and I wanted something customised for myself unlike the scriptures. I also wanted it to be short and to the point so I'll have no issues sorting things out when confused.And that's when I wrote the Agenda which I'll walk you through in the remaining of the letter.

These were the points I wanted to concentrate on -


Dependence, forgetfulness, complaints, weakness, over self-centredness


Vital points they are. See, I wanted to make myself happy. I needed a lot of analysis to figure out what was wrong and I figured a number of things. Very small things like running to a neighbour everytime I had to brush my teeth. Just cuz I didn't buy my own toothpaste for like a week. I would hitch lifts because I didn't have time to get my cycle repaired. Copy assignments cuz I didn't do them myself. I needed people to go out. I needed people to study. Oh!a number of things... I just was too much of a parasite although I didn't need to be. That how I came to write my first point.


1)Independence - Use your own resources, your own cash. Depending on others can trouble you in their absence.Make lists of what you need and just keep getting when there's time. Remember, if you keep asking others, that's a bad sign of immaturity.

Really, I wanted to grow up. 'Grow up, kiddo!' are the departure words I got when I was leaving Delhi along with a hug and a pat on the head. I of course couldn't forget that. I wanted to grow up. I didn't really know what that meant. I found that over time and got to to the job soon.

My second point comes to life with my notorious reputation of being forgetful. My english teacher, back in class five would call me 'absent minded professor' and I liked it. It felt sweet and important. I always would be lost in some cool fantasy or some deep analysis or simple thinking and not pay much attention to things going on. But it wasn't until B.Tech that I began to lose my keys,forget due assignments, miss out on classes and there were a number of other things. Small, painful and of complete Ouch!! value. It wasn't so sweet anymore. I had to deal with this in the second point.


2)Consciouness - Whatever be the fantasies, however good, they work only when practical things go in the right manner. Someone else has been taking care all the while but no dependence requires you to do things yourself. The better updating, the more comfortable and independent.

The third is generic of most kids. I guess you've seen this too. Stuff goes wrong .Things go wrong. And you keep thinking of how unfair it all is. In my case I went to the extent of believing that the whole universe was conspiring to screw me. It took me quite a while to convince myself to be happy when things got screwed up. I would like to quote Bertrand Russell here (although not in the very same words) - "If you are losing sleep worrying over some issue, think about it. If there's something that you can do about it, just get up and go do it. If there's nothing in your hands, just go to sleep." Wise man, ain't he? Anyhow, the third point goes -


3)Complaints - The world does not work for you. You do. Control the controllables. Once you've done all you can, sit back and rest in peace. What happens afterwards is not your responsibility. A tough course, infinite coding, bad schedule, untimely rains - whatever be the case, hold it and be relaxed. Remember the conversation(A rather simply profound conversation of which, my dear reader, I may not have told you before and of which I can't write here). Be inspired. Be reasonable.

I thought I had just about everything to be happy now. I had the plan ready. And also the raw material for happiness. I was looking to dive into production instantly. But I needed the maintenance equipment. Else it would all come breaking soon. Uhm, pardon me if my industry metaphor sounds geeky. However, this gets me to the next point of the Agenda - the maintenance equipment for the the happiness production - Strength.


4)Strength - If you want to depend on yourself, you need to be strong enough to bear yourself. There'll be blows and you should take them. Mentally and physically. You should be able to support rather than be parasitic. Trust and Respect are elicited thus.

There are three categories of happiness according to me. The kind I acquire from sensory or intellectual joys like say, good music, gripping cinema, insightful discourses, and a whole plethora of small joys of life like indefinitely long conversations, free hugs, cycle trips to Mahabs and perhaps, a chatty letter to a smart girl with beautiful long hair.

The second category is the kind of happiness we derive from the notions of success or achievement - stuff that I, my kids and grandkids could be proud of.

And finally there's the feeling of knowing that you haven't much to regret in life. Oh, that should be the ideal state!

And interestingly, most of the description for happiness categories requires people. Really, even if I was a very strong and powerful chap who will never need any support from anybody , I would still need people to talk to, joke with, hug, argue with, flirt(uhm, at least when I start flirting) and go on cycle trips with. If I make myself devoid of these pleasures, I doubt if I'll be able to enjoy life at all. This simply proves one point - People are important. They are great sources of happiness and I had rather treat them with care.
And that brings us to the last point -


5)Open up - Listen to them, understand them. You will need help any point of your life however independent and strong you might be. You only return the favour by letting other people access you. Put yourself in their shoes. The day you can be sure that there are so many people who know they can rely on you and who trust you to do the right thing, there'll be no looking back. You'll be a man!

There was a small postscript - Confidence, Comfort, Courage and Compassion are very necessary outcomes

and a simple reminder to myself Most Important - Be happy for God's sake!

Hmmm.. I think I'll now tuck my scribbling pad somewhere cosy and get back to my business. Before I sign off however, I think I can tell you that I am nowhere close to the ideal happy state I want to be in and I know I might never be. Albeit I think I'll remain in the pursuit and meanwhile I live in these shades of gray and in the trust I so unquestioningly confer on myself.

Hope you are busy making yourself happy too.

Love,
Prathyush.